• Recognize that the commitment phobe’s behavior is not a reflection of your worth or desirability.
It can be tempting to take their pulling away as a sign that you’re somehow unlovable, but don’t let those thoughts get inside your head! Commitment-phobes are often dealing with deep-seated fears and anxieties around relationships, which have nothing to do with how amazing and desirable you are. Keep reminding yourself of all the wonderful qualities that make you an awesome catch!
• Resist the urge to chase after them and try to convince them to stay.
We know it’s hard – when someone pulls away from us, our natural instinct is usually to cling on even tighter. But trust us on this one: chasing after a commitment-phobe will only push them further away. They need space and time to sort out their feelings without feeling like they’re being pressured or suffocated.
• Give them space and time to sort out their feelings, without pressuring them for answers or explanations.
This goes hand-in-hand with resisting the urge to chase after them. Instead of bombarding them with texts asking “Why won’t you commit?!” (we’ve all been there), give them some breathing room. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but ultimately it’s better for both of you if they have the chance to figure things out in their own way.
• Focus on taking care of yourself and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.
When we’re going through something tough like this, self-care becomes extra important! Make sure you’re doing things that make YOU happy – whether it’s binge-watching Netflix shows about cute animals (no judgment here) or trying out new hobbies like pottery-making or axe-throwing (okay maybe some judgment there). Taking care of yourself will help keep your spirits up during this challenging time.
• Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate this difficult situation.
There’s no shame in asking for help! If you’re feeling overwhelmed or just need someone to talk to, reach out to people you trust. Whether it’s your best friend, your mom, or a therapist (or all three), having a support system can make all the difference.
• Be honest with yourself about what you want and need in a relationship, even if it means letting go of someone who isn’t ready or willing to meet those needs.
This is tough love time: sometimes we have to be brutally honest with ourselves about whether we’re getting what we want and need from our relationships. It may hurt like hell to realize that the person you care about isn’t able or willing to give you what you deserve – but ultimately it’s better than settling for less than you really want.
• Remember that ultimately, only the commitment phobe can decide whether they are ready for a committed relationship – there is nothing you can do to change their mind.
As much as we might wish otherwise, we don’t have control over other people’s feelings and decisions. The only thing YOU have control over is how YOU react and respond. So focus on taking care of yourself rather than trying to force them into anything they’re not comfortable with.
• Avoid making assumptions about the commitment phobe’s intentions or feelings, and instead focus on communicating openly and honestly with them.
It can be easy (and tempting) to jump straight into assuming things like “They must not really care about me” when someone pulls away from us. But assuming doesn’t actually solve anything! Instead of playing guessing games in your head, try talking openly with them about where they’re at emotionally.
• Take time to reflect on your own fears and insecurities around relationships, as these may be contributing
to your reaction
You know how airlines always tell us during safety demonstrations that in case of emergency oxygen masks will drop, and we should always put on our own mask first before helping others? Same goes for relationships! Before you can help someone else work through their commitment issues, it’s important to take a look at your own relationship fears and insecurities. That way you’ll be more equipped to handle whatever comes up.
• Be prepared for the possibility that the commitment phobe may never come back or change their behavior – it is important to prioritize your own well-being regardless of what happens in the relationship.
As hard as this may be to hear (and believe us, we know), there is a chance that they won’t ever come around. And while that thought might make you want to curl up under a blanket with some ice cream and cry until next year, remember: YOU are still awesome and deserving of love and happiness no matter what!
• Consider setting healthy boundaries around communication and contact during this period of uncertainty.
It’s okay (and necessary!) to set boundaries when dealing with any kind of difficult situation. If constant texting or calling is making things worse rather than better, try scaling back on how often you communicate. Remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential!
• Remember that you deserve a partner who is willing and able to commit fully to a relationship, without fear or hesitation.
This one bears repeating because it’s so true! You don’t have to settle for anything less than what makes YOU happy in a relationship. So keep holding out hope for finding someone who wants all the same things as you do!
P.S. You should check out these commitment phobia books at Amazon. (affiliate link)